February 20th, 2017

February 20th, 2107


Affirmation: I allow myself to relax.


Word of the Day: oscitant (adj):

1. drowsy or inattentive.

2. yawning, as with drowsiness; gaping.

3. dull, lazy, or negligent.

Imagining Is Like

Imagining is like feeling around
in a dark lane, or washing
your eyes with blood.

You are the truth
from foot to brow. Now,
what else would you like to know?

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Energy in Motion

In keeping with yesterday's exploration of words, I want to discuss the word "emotion" today.

As the BeeGee's crooned, "it's just emotion that's taken me over."

And that is exactly how emotions feel oftentimes - like they engulf us, submerging our entire beings under their crashing waves.

Interestingly, though none of us gets through life without experiencing emotions of all types and degrees, describing someone as "emotional" also tends to carry a negative connotation.

Why is this? Why has something so universal turned into something that is avoided and stigmatized?

I believe that it is because of the way we feel when experiencing certain emotions as well as the way we behave when experiencing certain emotions.

I often hear that mastering your emotions - that is, controlling them - is the way to go. But when I think of the word "emotion," I break it down into "e" and "motion" - and I remember that "e" can stand for "energy." In other words, emotions are simply energy in motion. Energy cannot be "mastered" but it can be channeled.

They are neither good nor bad. And the best way - indeed the only way - to move past them is to go through them. To let them flow through us. When we try to shove and stuff them down, they fester within us, and it is only a matter of time before they bubble up and out or come out "sideways" through behavior and words we may not have intended. We cannot destroy energy, but we can be transformed and it can move out of us.

When we feel the waves beating down on us, we can learn to "ride" the waves, even when doing so is incredibly uncomfortable, reassuring ourselves that the waves will end. Relief will come. No emotion lasts forever (even though it might feel like it at the time). Think of a toddler throwing a temper tantrum - after a while, his or her energy subsides and gives way to exhaustion or some other emotions.

Distracting ourselves from our emotions can be helpful when we are feeling them very acutely, but ultimately, we will need to deal with them and face them because they will linger until they are dealt with.

And what about "positive" emotions? In the same way that we allow "negative" emotions to flow through us, so must we do with positive emotions. Trying to hold on to them, clinging and grasping, does not work. And it will leave us unable to truly experience them to their fullest.

The next time you feel yourself overcome with emotion, pause. (Think about responding instead of reacting!). As intense as the emotion might feel, I invite you to practice sitting with it. Even if it is just for 5 minutes. Or one. Over time, try to build up your tolerance to feeling - as opposed to doing or distracting. And watch as that feeling flows through you, giving way to a new emotion.

In closing, here are some of my favorite quote about emotion (in the general sense; there are so MANY other great quotes/ poems about specific emotion, of course!):

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“Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness," "joy," or "regret." Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I'd like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, "the happiness that attends disaster." Or: "the disappointment of sleeping with one's fantasy." I'd like to show how "intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members" connects with "the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age." I'd like to have a word for "the sadness inspired by failing restaurants" as well as for "the excitement of getting a room with a minibar." I've never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I've entered my story, I need them more than ever. ” 
― Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex

“But feelings can't be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.” 
― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

“It is important not to suppress your feelings altogether when you are depressed. It is equally important to avoid terrible arguments or expressions of outrage. You should steer clear of emotionally damaging behavior. People forgive, but it is best not to stir things up to the point at which forgiveness is required. When you are depressed, you need the love of other people, and yet depression fosters actions that destroy that love. Depressed people often stick pins into their own life rafts. The conscious mind can intervene. One is not helpless.” 
― Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.” 
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

“How you react emotionally is a choice in any situation.” 
― Judith Orloff

“The Yogic sages say that all the pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. We create words to define our experience and those words bring attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. We get seduced by our own mantras (I'm a failure... I'm lonely... I'm a failure... I'm lonely...) and we become monuments to them. To stop talking for a while, then, is to attempt to strip away the power of words, to stop choking ourselves with words, to liberate ourselves from our suffocating mantras.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“Feel, he told himself, feel, feel, feel. Even if what you feel is pain, only let yourself feel.” 
― P.D. James, The Children of Men

“Feelings are something you have; not something you are.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“We bury things so deep we no longer remember there was anything to bury. Our bodies remember. Our neurotic states remember. But we don't.” 
― Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

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What are some of your hardest emotions to "deal" with? Easiest? Why do you suppose this is?

What are your numbing, avoiding, stuffing, or distracting tendencies when it comes to dealing with emotions?

What myths or judgments do you hold hold when it comes to emotions?