A Three To One Ratio

December 18th, 2018


A Three To One Ratio

"Don't get stuck looking at the finger pointing towards the moon. Look at the moon." - Zen Saying

Oftentimes, we find ourselves stuck in the finger-pointing blame game.

The next time you find yourself in this situation, pause and take the time to actually act out what you are doing. That is to say, actually point your finger. It might look something like this:


While the other person (or thing or situation) might be partially responsible, don't forget that for the one finger you are pointing outwards, there are three fingers pointing back at you.

Blaming and shaming are not helpful.

But sometimes owning our responsibility is.

Even if that responsibility is simply about finding a way to accept, forgive, and move forward.

Why There's No Such Thing As A Defining Characteristic

December 11th, 2018


Why There's No Such Thing As A Defining Characteristic


A symphony isn't illustrated by a solitary note.

A novel isn't represented by a single page.

An ocean isn't defined by an individual drop of water.

A beach isn't circumscribed by a grain of sand.

So, too, does no mistake define who you are.

And it is often the off-key, unexpected events in our lives that give them beauty - and give us humility, humanity, resilience, courage, and gratitude.

Keep moving forward.

Past The Past

December 4th, 2018


Past The Past

The past is in your head.

The present is in your hands.

And what you do in the present (the way you think, feel, speak, act, show up) has the ability to shape the pasts you look back on in the future.

If you have regrets about past, remember that what you do in the present is the vehicle to get you to a different future - a future that will one day become a past that you can look back upon not with regret, but with joy and gratitude.

Do you doubt yourself and your ability to make and sustain the required changes? Remember that confidence is built not by thinking, but by doing.

You cannot relive the past.

You cannot pre-live the future.

But you can live NOW.

"The past doesn’t exist except as a memory, a mental story, and though past events aren’t changeable, your stories about them are. You can act now to transform the way you tell the story of your past, ultimately making it a stalwart protector of your future." - Martha Beck

If You Could, Would You?

November 27th, 2018


If You Could, Would You?

If you could be vulnerable others
If you could face your fears
If you could make that call
If you could say no
If you could say yes
If you could end something that isn't serve you
If you could take the first step towards a dream
If you could set a goal
If you could initiate a relationship
If you could ask for help
If you could help someone else
If you could accept where you are, where you've been, and who you are
If you could laugh or make others laugh
If you could stand up for what you believe
If you could learn
If you could imagine
If you could be

If you could make a difference
If you could hold onto hope

Would you?

Because you can.

Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should

November 20th, 2018


Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

This advice seems intuitive and obvious enough.

Just because you can jump in a well doesn't mean you should.

Just because you can spend all your savings on lottery tickets doesn't mean you should.

But this maxim goes beyond the obvious and the absurd:

Just because you can juggle a million commitments and sacrifice sleep doesn't mean you should.

Just because you can extract revenge doesn't mean you should.

Just because you can hold a grudge or withhold forgiveness doesn't mean you should.

Just because you can do more doesn't mean you should.

Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean you should.

Just because you can say yes doesn't mean you should.

Just because you can say no doesn't mean you should, either.

Don't take your freedoms for granted.

Use them with intention.

Knowing But Not Liking

November 6th, 2018

Knowing But Not Liking

You may fret that you don't know what decision to make, what the next step(s) is, who you should be, who you are.

Remember that knowing the answer and liking (or being comfortable with) the answers are not always one and the same.

Smoke and Mirrors

October 23rd, 2018


Smoke and Mirrors

To an observer, the amount of time we spend on preening and primping, nipping and tucking, sprucing and slicking might suggest that we are deriving benefits that is proportional to the time we invest in these activities. 

Of course, we know that this is not the case.

The last few minutes we spent typing and retyping our social media post to get it just right.

The last few hours we spent perfecting our make up, our hair, our clothes.

The last few days we spent recording and re-recording our podcast or video.

The last few months we spent formatting and re-formatting the book cover, trying fruitlessly to make the most appealing.

The last few years we spent avoiding the real issues in our lives because focusing on external things we can control felt more manageable.

We all know that our favorite books are not necessarily those with the flashiest covers.

Our favorite restaurants are not necessarily those with the fanciest decor.

Our favorite people are not necessarily those who are the most attractive.

It is easy to forget that in work and in life, form does not equate to substance.

In the words of author and entrepreneur, Seth Godin, "for surface shine, 80% might be more than enough."

So focus less on the smoke and more on the fire.

Focus less of the refection and more on the reality.

Top Speed

October 9th, 2018


Top Speed

How often do we strive and push, attempting to squeeze every last drop out of ourselves, others, or situations?

The reality is that maximizing does not yield lasting - or worthwhile - results. Optimization does.

Rather than trying to struggle,  squeeze, toil, and fight, remember that longevity is what counts. A sustained spark matters a whole lot more than a flame followed by a fizzle.

After all, races are not won based upon who achieved the top speed.

Winning At Chess - And At Life

October 2nd, 2018


Winning At Chess - And At Life

You cannot win a game of chess solely by moving forward. You often have to move backwards in order to set yourself up in a position to win.

When you feel stuck, stagnant, or otherwise lacking in inspiration, integrity, vitality, or focus, it might be a sign that you might be expending too much energy and effort trying to force a path or direction that is not the right one for you.

It might be time for you to slow down - or stop altogether - regroup, and reassess.

Making a U turn in life is OK! (And it is preferred! After all, you don't want to keep driving towards New York when you intended to get to California!).

Keep in mind that giving up is entirely different from starting over in the right direction.

The latter takes courage, bravery, resilience, hope, and stamina.

And it is also the fertile beginning of countless possibilities and opportunities that life has to offer.

PS By the same token, when it feels like you are stuck or even taking steps backwards in life, it might mean that life is actually positioning you to make a win!

The Pareto Principle

September 25th, 2018


The Pareto Principle

In simple terms, the Pareto Principle (which is often referred to as the 80/20 rule) suggests that for many events, about 80% of the effects result from 20% of the causes. In other words, many things in life are not distributed equally.

We intuitively and experientially know this to be true, yet we often have a hard time applying our knowledge to drive meaningful results. We spend so much time trying to improve the efficiency of our subpar 80% of causes and fret about the 20% of our effects that could be better rather than focusing on those key things that make the biggest impact.

Consider how one might apply the Pareto Principle in some common daily goals and activities.

Say you want to eat more healthfully. We often hear about the 80/20 rule in dieting, but there are 2 key caveats that are not mentioned: namely, that the 20% of "unhealthy" foods we eat in the context of our otherwise healthy diet could be causing 80% of our undesired effects. Conversely, changing our diets for the better by eating just 20% more healthfully can foster 80% of the results we are looking to achieve.

In terms of relationships, 20% of our negative reactions might be causing 80% of our relationship stress/ tension/ damage. Meanwhile, focusing on having positive, loving interactions 20% more of the time can improve our relationships by 80%.

The areas in which this Principle can be applied in our lives is virtually endless.

The key is focusing on the 20% that counts.

Life isn't a zero-sum, all-or-nothing game.

Small changes can - and do - lead to big results.

The Cream Rises To The Top

September 18th, 2018


The Cream Rises To The Top

When business got slow, a vendor selling balloons on a beach in India would release one of his balloons into the air. Children playing on the beach for miles on either direction would see the brightly colored balloon in the air and be drawn to buy balloons.

One afternoon, a dark-skinned young boy came up to the vendor and noticed that balloons of all colors were bought, but with one exception.

"Do people not like the black balloons because they do not rise?" he inquired earnestly.

The vendor looked down at the boy's sad eyes and replied without skipping a beat: "Absolutely not. Balloons do not rise or sink, fly or settle. It is what is inside them that makes the difference. It is the same with human beings. Whether someone soars in life has little to do with appearances and everything to do with what's inside. It's the inside that counts."

When you are looking to foster positive, upwards momentum and sustained growth in your life, stop looking to fix the external.

And remember that the cream that is intrinsic to the dairy is what rises to the top - regardless of whether it is found in yogurt, plain milk, chocolate milk, etc.

Be the cream.

When Safety Is Dangerous

September 11th, 2018


When Safety Is Dangerous

Safety and danger may seem like opposites on the surface, but our perceptions of safety and danger can often blur the lines between the two.

Recklessness and impulsivity commonly result in dangerous behavior or consequences.

Yet there is a big difference between these things and healthy risk taking.

A life lived within the cave of fear and in the shackles of anxiety and worry is hardly much of a life.

It is never too late to do or say something you've wanted to do or say.

It is never too late to go after an opportunity that pushes you out of your comfort zone.

It is never too late to risk disappointment, embarrassment, frustration, or failure.

It is the chances we don't take that we regret the most.

PS I hope these quotes inspire you to take one small risk towards the life you want and the person you want to be today:











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Use It Before It Expires - Don't Let It Go To Waste

September 4th, 2018


Use It Before It Expires - Don't Let It Go To Waste

We are all born with expiration dates.

That might sound dire, but remember that it implies that all of our struggles also come with expiration dates.

You have to stop believing that you will be stuck in your present situation forever.

Do not mistake a season for a lifetime.

Life will change, you will grow, and things will work out.

Six Powerful Words

August 28th, 2018

Six Powerful Words

I recently came across a gem of a book called "The Best Advice in Six Words."

Here are just a handful of the pieces of advice contained therein:

“Everything's possible: We're made of miracles.” -Van Jones

“Powerful avalanches begin with small shifts.” – Pamela McFarland Walsh

“Don’t waste what others desperately seek.” – Sarita Alston

“There is strength in being vulnerable.” – Steven Berkowitz

“Exhale a nightmare, inhale a possibility.” – Marty Blackmer

(There are many, many hilarious 6 word quips that I've saved for interested readers!)

As the bard once said, "Brevity is the soul of wit."

It doesn't take long-winded discourse or palaverour debate to make a meaningful statement. There is power in being succinct.

Please share your favorite 6-word witticisms and advice with me?

And, if you're feeling up for it, share a time when you might have benefited from expressing yourself more concisely.

How Not To Mess Up Your Kids

August 21st, 2018


How Not To Mess Up Your Kids

Don't have kids.

It is impossible to be a perfect parent.

Just as it is impossible to be a perfect child.

Or partner. Or friend. Or student. Or teacher. Or [insert role here]. Or human.

It doesn't mean we don't try.

It does mean we stop having unrealistic expectations and figure out how to be our best and do our best without being overly attached to the outcomes.

It means we stop getting so caught up in the minutiae that we ignore the things that truly count and make a difference.

A Common Cure

August 14th, 2018


A Common Cure

Stress can be the results of many different things.

Yet, when traced back to its origin, much of the stress we experience can be reduced to one simple dilemma: the desire to do two things at the same time.

We want to lose weight but we want to eat more of our favorite foods.

We want to do well in a class but we want to watch TV.

We want to cultivate meaningful and deeper relationships but we want to avoid judgment and the possibility of rejection.

In short, we must address our cognitive dissonance if we wish to sustainably and effectively address out stress.

It's Easier in the Long Run

August 7th, 2018


It's Easier in the Long Run

We all have stories and beliefs that we hold onto tightly and subconsciously.

Some of these stories and beliefs serve us, but many do not.

They also cloud us from objectivity.

They are the lens through which we see and interact with the world. They are the filters through which we sift reality.

Becoming aware of these stories and beliefs is the first step. It is not easy. And it is both necessary and not enough.

The next step can be even harder for some people because it involves challenging deeply ingrained schemas.

Still, it is the worth the effort.

Because winnowing and censoring and inhibiting takes work. It is often subconscious work and effort, yet it drains us and keeps us from truly and fully experiencing life for what it is.

Being in the world without our blinders can feel disorienting and scary and vulnerable. But in the long-run, it is easier because it is what will set us free.