When Vices Are Virtues

February 28th, 2018

When Vices Are Virtues

We often think of vices and virtues in black and white terms.

One thing is unilaterally a "good" thing while something else may always be considered undesirable.

But this is not always true.

One such instance is the idea of patience versus impatience.

We hear that, "all good things come to those who wait."

But we cannot be waiting forever.

Opportunities come and go. Our lives are not endless.

We must not just prepare but also proceed and pursue.

Impatience can be a virtue if it spurs us to break through the fear that holds us back.

You Do You

February 27th, 2018


You Do You

Are you looking for joy in your life?

Are you looking for creative inspiration?

Are you looking for someone to have fun with?

Are you looking for someone whose company you enjoy?

Are you looking for validation, encouragement, or support?

Are you looking for someone to walk by your side and provide guidance when you feel lost?

Are you looking for someone to comfort you and help you?

Are you looking for someone you can trust and be open and vulnerable with?

Are you looking for someone who really understands you?

Are you looking for someone who make you feel special, wanted, needed, important, and worthy of love?

Are you looking for someone to truly to love you in the way you need to be loved?

Great news!

That person is already in your life!

That person is You.

You can be that person to and for yourself.

And you can start right now.

Renting Isn't Cheap

February 26th, 2017


Renting Isn't Cheap

We often replay arguments and interactions over and over again in our heads like broken records.

We frequently hold onto grudges years after the events.

We regularly don't let go of people long after they have left left our lives or in spite of their negative effects upon us.

Who are you leasing the real estate in your head out to for free?

Your brain is prime real estate. Be picky about your tenants.

Where Does It Hurt?

February 25th, 2018


Where Does It Hurt?

This may sound very New Age-y/ woo-woo, but I science has now proven that we can "hold" emotions and thoughts and other events in our lives in different parts of our bodies.

In other words, our bodies keep physical memories of all our experiences.

Every body is different, so where and how we store these things varies.

Similarly, the ways in which we release those body memories that do not serve us is different between individuals. It is important that you figure out the means that works for YOU.

Bottom Line: Your Issues Are In Your Tissues

But I'm Selectively Bored For The Things I WANT To Do...

February 24th, 2018


But I'm Selectively Bored For The Things I WANT To Do...

Too busy?

Have too much to do?

Not enough time?

Remember that the next time you're bored.

PS But don't let it make you paralyzed. Perfectionism/ Overwhelm --> Procrastination.

PPS If you find yourself "selectively bored" for the things you want to do ask yourself whether the things you supposedly need to do are really needs and whether they are really your needs.

When The Danger Isn't Really Dangerous

February 23rd, 2018


When The Danger Isn't Really Dangerous

Avoiding some of the things we perceive as dangerous can sometimes be riskier than confronting and going through them.

Every time you avoid disappointment, you risk compromising passion and progress.

Every time you avoid vulnerability, you risk losing out on deeper relationships.

Every time you avoid discomfort, you risk giving up on discovery.

Every time you avoid rejection, you risk not losing out on the reward.

Every time you avoid pain, you risk losing joy.

Think about any one thing or value that is deeply important to you.

Isn't there pain and difficulty and sacrifice involved? But isn't the pain worth it?

For example, if you value parenting, maybe you are willing to stay up with a crying a sick child, cook, clean, and drive, and otherwise make an innumerable number of sacrifices.

When you feel tempted to avoid or move away from something that is uncomfortable, ask yourself why. And at what cost? What do you risk losing?

A PSA

February 22nd, 2018


A PSA

You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.

You don't even have to RSVP.

Definitions

February 21st, 2018


Definitions

I recently heard someone question whether they qualified as a runner or not. They questioned their legitimacy in taking on this title, wondering whether they ran a sufficient number of miles a week and fearing that they were too slow: "more of a jogger" not up to runner "standards."

Guess what?

You get to decide how you want to define your life and the labels you choose to accept and reject.

Remember that labels aren't permanent or perfect or pervasive, either!

Be flexible with them - they are dynamic and ever-evolving; not a static concept that can be easily broken.

They change as we go through and grow through life.

For example, someone can not be a mother one day and the next day they might be.  Just because you didn't practice the piano today doesn't mean that you are no longer a musician. Or maybe you used to enjoy acting, but you don't anymore - that's ok.

You aren't defined by what you do or don't do. The meaning of life if the meaning we choose to give it. We are human beings not human doings.

PS In my book, here are some definitions;

Artist = a person who makes art.

Actor = a person who acts.

Singer = a person who sings.

Dancer = a person who dances.

Writer = a person who writes.

Chef/ Baker = a person who cooks/ bakes.

Student = a person who studies.

Teacher = a person who teaches.

And so on.

No qualifiers. No judgements.

Making Lasting Changes

February 20th, 2018


Making Lasting Changes

New Year's Resolutions are notorious for their "unstickiness" - that is, for their ability to not translate into lasting change - a flash in the pan, if you will.

The reality, though, is that a lot of the changes we intend or try to implement are this way, too - regardless of whether we begin them on the first of January?

What gives?

One of the biggest barriers to making sustainable changes in our lives is that we tend to over-focus on what we are giving up rather than reminding ourselves of what we are moving towards and all that we stand to gain.

By the same token, we often romanticize, glamorize, and idealize the old habits/ relationships/ patterns etc. rather than reminding ourselves of why we want to give those things up and move towards something different.

When you decide to make a change, remind yourself of a) why you want to give something up (i.e. what wasn't working - this can be a habit, person, thing, way of interaction, pattern of thoughts, etc.); and b) all the good and potential you are welcoming into your life by choosing the change.

How To Make Today - And Every Day - Count

February 19th, 2018


How To Make Today - And Every Day - Count

You might feel as though today was a total wash.

It might feel like you wasted time, it was all for nothing, completely pointless.

You might feel like you're at a dead end.

That you're ineffective, pathetic, and even worthless.

Know that if you made someone smile, you made a difference.

If you were the reason that someone believed in the goodness of people, you made an impact.

If you lifted someone up, today counted for something.

If you made someone happy, today was meaningful.

And guess what?

You have the ability and power do do those things, to be that person.

Even if - and often especially if - the person you lift up and make smile is yourself.

PS YOU matter to me.

The Way Out Of Stuck

February 18th, 2018

In continuation of yesterday's post, I would like to keep writing about the interplay between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

We often find ourselves "stuck" in patterns and habits and routines - and LIVES - that are completely out of alignment with our values, goals, and the kind of people we want to be.

If you feel like you are in this place remember:

You cannot think your way out of something you behaved yourself into.

Which Comes First?

February 17th, 2018


Which Comes First?

If you want to change the way you feel or change the way you think, remember these simple "equations"/ progressions:


Situation A

Feelings --> Thoughts --> Behavior

Situation B

Thoughts --> Feelings --> Behavior

Situation C

Behavioral Changes --> Thoughts / Feelings


You want Situation C.


If you finds yourself behaving in the same (undesired) ways in response to certain thoughts and/or feelings, you might be tempted to want to change thoughts and/or feelings.

The more we fight against our thoughts and feelings, the more they persist.

In order to think or feel differently, we must behave differently.

When You Shouldn't "Carry On"

February 16th, 2018

When You Shouldn't "Carry On"

There is a classic Buddhist tale that tells of two monks on a journey together. One day, the monks come upon a lady standing by the edge of a riverbank, unable to cross on her own. One of the two monks takes the lady on his back and carries her across. Several hours pass.

Finally, the other monk turns to the first monk and asks with reproach and incredulity: "How could you do that?! Do you not know that we both took vows to never touch a woman?!"

The first monk looks at the other monk calmly. He then responds, "Are you still carrying her? I set her down hours ago at the edge of the river.

This story is a perfect metaphorical example of what our minds do all the time when we aren't mindful: we harbor grudges and resentments and upsets long after they have occurred. Similarly, we also carry imaginary worries about the future, letting their loads burden us in the present.

How much of your attention is placed on what is happening right now?

How much does obsessing and ruminating about the past change what happened?

How much does not being present affect what happens in the future negatively? (i.e. We are only guaranteed this moment and what happens in the future is a result of what we are doing and thinking in the present!).



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Street Cleaning

February 15th, 2018

Street Cleaning

It never was, it never is, and it never will be about them.

The only person who can victimize you is yourself.

Focus on keeping your side of the street clean.

PS It's not about keeping your side of the street clean to impress them or be a martyr, either.

Heart Chakra

February 14th, 2018

Heart Chakra

With today being Valentine's Day, I wanted to reflect upon the heart chakra, known as the "Anahatha" chakra in Sanskrit. I had always assumed that the word anahatha was a direct translation - that it means heart. I was surprised to find that anahatha actually means "unstruck," "unhurt," or "unbeaten." Rather than referring to the physiology of the heart and what can be seen physically, this word highlights the unseen power of what the heart can do: that is, to remain open and open to love; to love authentically and wholly regardless of circumstances or people or events in the past or worries about the future.

In her beautiful devotional book, Journey to the Heart, Melody Beattie puts it beautifully:

It's easy to keep our heart open to life's magic and all of its possibilities when we have what we want. It's more of a challenge, and more necessary than ever, to keep our hearts open when we can't have what we want.

Even on the best journey, things happen. Plans change. Things shift and move around. This shifting and moving causes doors to close, relationships to end, blocks and frustrations to appear on our path…

Keep your heart open anyway. Consciously choose to do that. Yes, you can go away, you can leave, you can shut down, but you don't need to. Now is a turning point. If you choose to open your heart, even when you can't have what you want, miracles will unfold.

In what ways have you closed yourself to love and why?

In what ways might this be closing yourself to life?

How can you lean into vulnerability and authentic expression when it feels like you are being broken apart or broken open?