You Are In Control

April 28th, 2018


You Are In Control

The next time you feel powerless, helpless, or like you have no control in your life, remember that in every single moment you always have more than one choice.

You get to decide.

You have the power to choose.

Delight in your freedom and choose wisely.

Contradictions Can Coexist

April 27th, 2018


Contradictions Can Coexist

You can feel sad and still choose to smile and laugh.

You can feel discouraged and still choose to move forward.

You can feel resentful and still choose to forgive.

You can feel frustrated and still choose to be patient.

You can feel unworthy and still choose to take care of yourself.

You can feel scared and still choose to be brave.

You can feel hurt and still choose to love.

Human beings are amazing in that way.

You are amazing in that way.

You're So Attractive

April 26th, 2018


You're So Attractive

If you find yourself attracting certain (types of) people into your life again and again, you might wonder why, especially if these people are unhelpful or downright harmful to you.

As hard as it is to accept, we attract these people repeatedly because there is a part of ourselves that needs them. In other words, they satisfy some sort of need that we have and are unable (or unwilling) to meet elsewhere.

Get clear about what need you have that is getting met by certain people that you keep seem to be attracting into your life.

When you heal the parts of yourself that require that need OR you find way(s) to meet that need elsewhere, you will stop attracting these people.

 

A Finely Tuned Instrument

April 25th, 2018


A Finely Tuned Instrument

I wrote a recent post on finding the balance between holding love too tightly and too loosely.

As I reflected upon this idea more, I came to realize that the same concept holds true for our experiences, thoughts, and feelings.

It reminds me of a one of Buddha's interactions with a musician.

The musician came to Buddha seeking wisdom and counsel.

Buddha asked the musician, "What occurs when you tune your instrument too tightly?"

The musician almost instinctively replied, "The strings break."

Buddha went on to ask, "And what about when you string your instrument too loosely?"

"No sound is produced when the strings are too loose; the instrument does not play properly," the musician explained. "The instrument produces its best sound when it is not too tight and not too loose."

The Buddha smiled and observed, "You already possess the wisdom you seek."

This same principle applies in terms of our experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Do not hold onto them so tightly that you grown anxious, perturbed, and attached to them. Yet, it does not serve you to ignore them, deny them, or otherwise numb or distract from them.
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The Most Important Relationship

April 21st, 2018


The Most Important Relationship

The person you speak to the most in your life (by far) is yourself.

All the same relationship rules you have with others apply (i.e. respect, honesty, trust, appreciation, etc.).

Be kind.

Learn from yourself and about yourself.

Cultivate, nourish, and invest in your relationship with yourself.

Doing so will greatly enhance your life.

Confusion

April 20th, 2018


Confusion

When something (or multiple things) does not make sense, remember that understanding isn't always instantaneous and can develop and grow over time. More importantly, remind yourself that not all things are supposed to make sense - we aren't meant to understand everything and that is normal. Torturing ourselves about it is never the answers. Patience and acceptance usually are.

How To Love

April 19th, 2018


How To Love

When you love, do not grip so tightly that the beloved breaks or gets crushed.

Yet do not hold so loosely that they slip right through your finders.

Finding the balance involves deeply connecting with yourself and the other and continuing to do so, realizing that this balance is ever-changing, fluid, and dynamic.

PS Remember to hold yourself with the same thoughtfulness and present-moment awareness, too.

Wander vs Wonder

April 18th, 2018


Wander vs Wonder

Wanderlust is a German word that is defined as a "strong longing for or impulse towards wandering" or traveling (Merriam Webster Dictionary).

Many of us love to travel. I myself consider myself to have a case of incurable wanderlust.

Yet, it is so important to remember that "wherever you go, there you are."

We cannot run away from our problems.

We cannot run away from our thoughts.

We cannot run away from our feelings.

We cannot run away from ourselves.

We are the common denominator wherever we go.

Wandering/ traveling isn't about avoiding or about filling something that feels empty.

The next time you feel the urge to "go" take some time to wonder (with an "o"!)

I believe that true, healthy wanderlust and "wonder"-lust go hand-in-hand.

We must take time to explore, nourish, and meet our internal needs just as much as we do so with our external needs.

When our environment changes, we must take the time to explore what it brings up in us and what changes internally.

Wandering without wondering deprives us of the full experience that change has to offer us.

Take Heart

April 15th, 2018


Take Heart

No matter how many mistakes you make or how slowly you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.

(Especially the you that you would be if you weren't trying!).

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A Paradox

April 14th, 2018


A Paradox 

Is fear worse than the fear of fear?

Is longing worse than a longing for longing?

PS But isn't hoping for hope hope itself? :

Floating vs. Sinking Ships

April 13th, 2018


Floating vs. Sinking Ships

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of getting rid of the things that are weighing us down.

Things like toxic jobs/ environments, dysfunctional relationships, unhelpful beliefs/ "stories" we tell ourselves, and so much more.

But what if that isn't an option? (Although it almost always is).

Try picturing yourself as a ship (with your life's journey being the ship's course).

Ships do not sink because of the water surrounding them (i.e. the chaos "out there" in your life - i.e. all those things external to yourself).

Rather, ships sink because of the water that gets into them.

In other words, the key to resilience in the face of those things that are weighing you down isn't just about getting rid of those things - after all, a full, meaningful life inevitably has its challenges (for example, even the best relationships have their troubles).

I would argue that it is even MORE important to not let the "water" get in you: Don't allow what is happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.

It isn't easy, but it IS a choice.

And the good news is that, with practice, it does get easier.

Becoming Lighter

April 12th, 2018


Becoming Lighter

When most people talk about (wanting to) become lighter, they are referring to losing weight.

But I would posit that the most important weight to lose is not the physical kind.

While it is important in some cases, there are so many other things that weigh us down on a daily basis, that truly keep us from living fuller, better lives.

These things could include toxic jobs/ environments, dysfunctional relationships, unhelpful beliefs/ "stories" we tell ourselves, and so much more.

What thing might be weighing you down the most in your life right now? How might you shed that weight in order for you move upwards - and literally towards the full expression of LIGHT - that your life can be?

Chutes And Ladders

April 10th, 2018


Chutes and Ladders

Do you remember the game Chutes and Ladders from when you were a kid (or adult)?

Life is like a game of chutes and ladders.

Some unexpected things take us up unexpected "ladders" in the form of breakthroughs, opportunities, insights, fulfilling work, nourishing relationships, and the like.

Other unexpected things take us down unexpected "chutes" in the form of "bad luck," unfortunate circumstances, poor health, soul-sucking relationships and interactions, trauma, and more.

Don't miss the ladders when they present themselves.

And remember to look out for the chutes, too. Many of them are optional!

Jumping to Conclusions

April 9th, 2018


Jumping to Conclusions

Appearances can be deceiving.

In fact, what we perceive to be one way can actually turn out to be the complete opposite.

As an example, if someone is crying, they could be doing so because they are feeling sad... or because they are very happy!

Things aren't always as they seem.

Intellectually, we all know this to be true.

Yet, it is much, much harder to apply this knowledge and awareness in dealing with every day situations.

We tend to personalize all manner of events and situations and circumstances.

For instance, in my life, I struggle with being overly sensitive to others' emotions.

If I see someone upset, for example, I often assume that they are upset with me and that I did something wrong.

I will then overcompensate, people-please, and generally feel bad about myself/ guilty over a mood that has nothing to do with me at all.

Similarly, if I fail to get an interview, I might jump to the conclusion that they hated me or that I am stupid, etc. The reality might be that they loved me and that I am very qualified and competent, but that they felt that someone else was a better fit and they would love to take me if they could.

The reality is that the world does not revolve around us!

Things often happen independent of whether we did or did not do something.

People are typically so preoccupied and immersed in their own realities and lives that they are likely not reacting because of us.

Yet, sometimes we don't even realize that we are making assumptions.

The next time you find yourself feeling bad/ upset about a situation, as yourself:

Do I know this assumption to be true?

What else might be true in this situation?

Don't Fool Yourself

April 8th, 2018

Don't Fool Yourself 

We worry so much about others lying to us that we fail to remember that the most damaging lies are those that we tell ourselves.

You Have The Answers You Are Seeking

April 6th, 2018


You Have The Answers You Are Seeking

Many of us have the tendency to overcomplicate life.

But the reality is that living a good life - while not necessarily easy - is relatively simple.

When you are tired --> Rest.

When you are hungry --> Eat.

When you are full --> Stop.

When you are sad --> Cry.

When you are happy --> Smile. Giggle. Belly Laugh. Share your happiness.

You get the idea.

The challenge lies not in finding the answers, but in applying what we already know to be true.