March 31st, 2017

March 31st, 2017


Affirmation: I am comfortable with and practice delegating tasks when appropriate.


Word of the Day: transpicuous (adj):

1. clearly seen through or understood.

A Turning Night

This moment, this love, comes to rest in me,
many beings in one being.

In one wheatgrain a thousand sheaf-stacks.
Inside the needle's eye, a turning night of stars.

____

The Physical Principle of Space: Thought Edition

Do you ever feel like your mind is flooded with a million thoughts at once? In the midst of your overwhelm, indecision, or feelings of being conflicted, do you feel like there are multiple ideas and options occupying your thoughts?

Well, I hate to break it to you, but those feelings are simply not true.

Indeed, human thoughts are governed by the principle of no two objects can occupy your mind at the same time. In other words, you cannot hold or be thinking more than one conscious thought at a time. If you believe that you are, the reality is that you are actually rapidly switching back and forth between multiple thoughts.

Don't believe me? Try this experiment:

Repeat the word "red," then "green," then "yellow," then "red" again. Then say the word, "hippopotamus." At the instant that you say the word, your conscious mind will put its attention entirely there. It may very well proceed to something else (such as, "What is the purpose of this ridiculous exercise, anyway?"). The upshot is that at any given moment in time, there exists only one conscious thought within you. Put another way, all your thoughts have to compete for that one space. That makes that one space a really valuable commodity.

So the next time you find yourself caught up in self-condemning, negative thinking, remind yourself that this leaves no room for effective, helpful thoughts and thoughts of your own choosing. The reality is that the majority of people are "sloppy thinkers" who are irresponsible guardians of that one precious present-time thought space.

But take heart. By regularly and persistently inserting replacement thoughts into your mind, you can slowly but surely dislodge the tight, sticky grip of toxic thoughts. It takes practice, but it can absolutely be done. Remember that replacement thoughts needn't be farfetched: indeed, while they should be positive in nature, the more realistic they are, the more credibility - and therefore, reassurance - they possess.

Psychotherapist Thom Rutledge sums it up well:

"As long as negative, self-critical thoughts and beliefs occupy that central space in your conscious mind and you do nothing about it, you'll have made a choice that will deaden your awareness of your greater expanse of choices.
...

By [choosing replacement] thoughts that are supportive, creative, and realistic, you more to the next level of play, like in a video game. The more choices you make, the more authority you claim over your own thought process, the more choices you'll have. Choices beget choices. And choices are freedom."


- Who chooses how your "one thought" space is used? Is it your highest self? Your fear? Habit energy? Something else?

- What are the thoughts that occupy that space the majority of the time?

- What other thoughts compete for that space?

- What thoughts don't even try to compete?

- What thoughts do you want to occupy that space?

March 30th, 2017

March 30th, 2017

Affirmation: I am at peace with myself (including my past and present) and with all those around me.


Word of the Day: phantasmagoria (n):

1. an exhibition of optical effects and illusions

2. a) a constantly shifting complex succession of things seen or imagined

b) a scene that constantly changes

3. a bizarre or fantastic combination, collection, or assemblage

How We Move Inside Grace (2)

Water is the story of how we are helped.
Hot baths prepare us to enter the fire.
Only salamanders can go directly in
without an intermediary, salamanders and Abraham.

The rest of us need guidance from water.
Satisfaction comes from God,
but to get there you need to eat bread.

Beauty comes from the presence,
but those of us in bodies
must walk in a garden to feel it.

When this body-medium goes, we will see directly
the light that lives in the chest.

The qualities of water are showing us
how we move inside grace.

_____


Washing Dishes

There are few meaningful things in life that can be declared done once and for all. These things cannot be reduced to items on a to do list, ready to be checked off. I believe that the oft repeated adage of life being about the journey rather than the destination stems from this truth.

Whether it is involves our commitment to a relationship, our adherence to a recovery program, self-forgiveness or self-compassion, or a host of other integral pieces of our life, the bottom line remains the same:

Much of life is not a one-time act, but a practice.

This practice requires perpetual recommitment and dedication. It can be helpful to think of it as a lifestyle. For example, if being a vegan is important to me and one day I eat a burger, do I tell myself, "Oh, well. Since I blew it anyway, I might as well eat the rest of the cow and buy some ivory jewelry, leather, and a bearskin rug while I'm at it"? Of course not! I would likely do my best to get right back on track and figure out what might have caused my slip so that I can can take steps to effectively address it.

Put another way, the practices in our lives can be thought of as an overall attitude or even philosophy towards ourselves. To this end, I would like to share the washing dishes metaphor with you. I hate having dirty dishes stack up in the sink. I feel good with the dishes are all washed and put away. Still, I know that it is only a matter of time (which can range from minutes to hours, depending on the day) before more dishes will have to be washed.

Washing dishes, then, is an ongoing process that I would like to stay on top of, but that I sometimes fall behind on. When I allow dishes to accumulate in the sink, it simply means that I will have more work to do at one time. If I had somehow convinced myself that I had washed all the dishes that needed to be washed once and for all, I would likely feel incredibly discouraged and disappointed (as well as frustrated and angry) when I found that they had began to pile up again.

Let's take self-compassion as an example in this metaphor: living with an attitude of self-compassion is the same as washing dishes in that there will always be more to do, it feels great when everything is clean, and we fall behind from time to time. The goal of self-compassion work, then, is the establishment of a daily practice of self-compassion.

Ultimately, what I am outlining is simply the adoption of a realistic view of ourselves. In simple terms, self-compassion specifically, can be thought of as nothing more than accepting our human imperfections. All meaningful "practices" in our lives are, of course, far easier said than done, particularly if we've been saturated in negativity, conditioned fear, and trained in pessimism and self-absorption.

But never forget:

Just because something is difficult does not mean that it cannot be done.

- What are some meaningful practices that are a part of your life?

- What are some practices that are not a part of your life that you would like to invite in?

- What is getting in the way of your introducing or sticking to those practices?

- Are there practices in your life that have lost their meaning or are unhelpful to you? How might you breathe new life into these practices or cease practicing them?

- What does the idea of journeying without a final destination bring up for you?

March 29th, 2017

March 29th, 2017


Affirmation: I stay on task.


Word of the Day: Occam’s razor (n):

1. a scientific and philosophic rule that entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily which is interpreted as requiring that the simplest of competing theories be preferred to the more complex or that explanations of unknown phenomena be sought first in terms of known quantities.

How We Move Inside Grace (1)

When our water here
becomes saturated with pollution,
it gets led back to the original water, the ocean.

After a year of receiving starlight,
the water returns, sweeping new robes along.

Where have you been? In the ocean of purity.
Now I am ready for more cleaning work.
If there was no impurity, what would water do?
It shows its glory in how it washes a face,
and in other qualities as well,
the way it grows the grass
and lifts a ship across to another port.

When the river slows with the weight of silt
and corruption, it grows sad and prays,
Lord, what you gave me I gave others.
Is there more? Can you give more?

Clouds draw the water up to become rain;
the ocean takes the river back into itself.

What this means is
we often need to be refreshed.

____


Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is not a nifty, new-age, politically-correct, psychobabble fad concept to let ourselves off the exacting hook of accountability. Rather, the I believe the opposite to be true. That is to say, self-forgiveness is a critical step in the direction of becoming a truly responsibly adult human being. Self-forgiveness is often the first step and first responsibility for many of us, because in its absence, we are liable to sinking into the quicksand of our self-focused negative thinking.

If you are skeptical about this, reflect back upon the amount of time and energy you have spent on self-criticism and self-condemnation in your life. Did that time and energy yield the intended outcomes in terms of making you a more responsible person? Put another way, then, self-critical thinking is irresponsible.

It is important to distinguish distinguish this type of irresponsible thinking from healthy critical thinking. The latter makes up our conscience and works to keep us in line with our personal morals and value systems. Self-criticism is also much different from the healthy critical thinking that is part of the "feedback system" that allows us to learn and grow from experience.

The self-criticism I am referring to is the perfectionistic tyrant in our heads that incessantly informing us that we are not good (smart, beautiful, thin, successful, _____) enough and that we are always falling short. Even when we do accomplish something, this inner bully is quick to crack its whip, reminding us that we should have succeeded sooner or better or differently. It also feeds us worries, fears, and anxieties, telling us things like we won't be able to maintain our success, that failure is just around the corner, and that nothing we do can absolve us of our past failures.

In many ways, this voice can be thought of as the "Should Monster." In the words of psychotherapist Thom Rutlege:

"Whether [your] shoulds are explicit or implicit, these are deeply embedded messages that keep us from taking the next important risk or knock us back down when we dare to get up... you're a loser no matter which way you go... you become so invested in pleasing the unpleaseable that you become caught in an endless (and useless) struggle to satisfy [your shoulds]."

Remember that the time and energy you spend in this dysfunctional inner struggle is time and energy that you are not spending on the things that you choose and that matter to you. Again, in Thom's words:

"Ultimately, the time and energy expended in self-criticism, self-condemnation, and self-abuse is time spent in self-absorption. Granted, this is self-absorbed pain, but the focus remains constantly on the self."

Self-criticism, then, renders us less, not more responsible and effectively responsive to the world around us. In the absence of self-forgiveness, we remain lost in our internal mazes, trapped in this isolated state of being that keeps us from fully living our lives.

- In what ways do you believe that you can use self-criticism as a way to get yourself to accomplish something?

- What are your fears or resistance to letting go of your self-criticism and replacing it with self-forgiveness?

- In what areas of your life does self-criticism show up the most? What does your self-critical voice sound like? What does it say and who does it remind you of?

- What does your self-forgiveness sound like?