February 19th, 2017
Affirmation: I take responsibility for my own growth.
Word of the Day: procrustean (adj):
Then you asked, Where have you been most comfortable?
In the palace.
What did you see there?
Amazing things.
Then why is it so desolate?
Because all that can be taken away in a second.
Who can do that?
This clear discernment.
Where can you live safely?
In surrender.
Is there no threat of disaster?
Only what comes in your street,
inside your love.
Now silence. If I tell more of this conversation,
those listening would leave themselves.
There would be no door.
no roof or window either.
____
Response Ability
When I think about the word responsibility, I now break it down in my head as the two words, "response" and "ability." In other words, responsibility to me, is the ability to respond rather than react.
We often think of responsibility as something associated with adulthood, but I don't think that this is necessarily the case. Often times, we have un-learned our intuitive and often healthy childhood responses during the course of our lives and the environments and influences we've been exposed to, and have replaced them with maladaptive variations of fight, flight, or freeze (all three of which I intend to discuss in future posts!).
In that sense, response-ability is certainly the result of maturity, or rather personal evolution and self-awareness. Response-ability is the ability to be mindful of our Selves and the thoughts and feelings that we experience as a result of internal and external stimuli. It involves groundedness/ centeredness and mindfulness, and the ability to consciously and deliberately choose our responses with intention and care.
Early on, this constant state of mindfulness can be exhausting and require concerted effort and attention. It is certainly something with a high up-front investment in service of long terms future rewards that exponentially pay off. Yet, the beginning will inevitably we peppered with distracted attention and reaction - behaviors that stem from our reptilian brains - our amygdalas - rather than our evolved, higher-reasoning brains - our prefrontal cortexes. But with time, I know of people who have mastered response-ability (I'm certainly not one of those people, yet), who are able to modulate their responses to the extent that even the thoughts and feelings preceding their behavioral impulses have shifted.
The best way to master the skill (because it is a skill that I believe anybody is capable of learning) is the way most things are learned and mastered: practice and time. It will be tedious. We will mess up and not succeed. But with time I believe that we can make a shift. A shift that will allow us to exercise control over our behaviors and our lives rather than allowing our knee-jerk reactions, urges, and impulses drag us along for the ride.
As I did yesterday, here are some of my favorite quotes on response-ability (I didn't find any really applicable poems):
____
_______
To end, I would invite each of you to take some time to journal about and consider what types of reactions in your life are not in line with the person you want to be.
What stimuli or triggers (I dislike the word trigger for so many reasons, but that is a discussion for another day!) bring about these reactions?
Then, reflect and journal about what types of responses you would like to invite into your life. You can even visualize yourself practicing these responses.
Affirmation: I take responsibility for my own growth.
Word of the Day: procrustean (adj):
1. tending to
produce conformity by violent or arbitrary means.
2. (initial capital letter) pertaining to
or suggestive of Procrustes.
Talking through the Door
(2)
Then you asked, Where have you been most comfortable?
In the palace.
What did you see there?
Amazing things.
Then why is it so desolate?
Because all that can be taken away in a second.
Who can do that?
This clear discernment.
Where can you live safely?
In surrender.
Is there no threat of disaster?
Only what comes in your street,
inside your love.
Now silence. If I tell more of this conversation,
those listening would leave themselves.
There would be no door.
no roof or window either.
____
Response Ability
When I think about the word responsibility, I now break it down in my head as the two words, "response" and "ability." In other words, responsibility to me, is the ability to respond rather than react.
We often think of responsibility as something associated with adulthood, but I don't think that this is necessarily the case. Often times, we have un-learned our intuitive and often healthy childhood responses during the course of our lives and the environments and influences we've been exposed to, and have replaced them with maladaptive variations of fight, flight, or freeze (all three of which I intend to discuss in future posts!).
In that sense, response-ability is certainly the result of maturity, or rather personal evolution and self-awareness. Response-ability is the ability to be mindful of our Selves and the thoughts and feelings that we experience as a result of internal and external stimuli. It involves groundedness/ centeredness and mindfulness, and the ability to consciously and deliberately choose our responses with intention and care.
Early on, this constant state of mindfulness can be exhausting and require concerted effort and attention. It is certainly something with a high up-front investment in service of long terms future rewards that exponentially pay off. Yet, the beginning will inevitably we peppered with distracted attention and reaction - behaviors that stem from our reptilian brains - our amygdalas - rather than our evolved, higher-reasoning brains - our prefrontal cortexes. But with time, I know of people who have mastered response-ability (I'm certainly not one of those people, yet), who are able to modulate their responses to the extent that even the thoughts and feelings preceding their behavioral impulses have shifted.
The best way to master the skill (because it is a skill that I believe anybody is capable of learning) is the way most things are learned and mastered: practice and time. It will be tedious. We will mess up and not succeed. But with time I believe that we can make a shift. A shift that will allow us to exercise control over our behaviors and our lives rather than allowing our knee-jerk reactions, urges, and impulses drag us along for the ride.
As I did yesterday, here are some of my favorite quotes on response-ability (I didn't find any really applicable poems):
____
Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom
involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.
- Sigmund Freud
- Sigmund Freud
Take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in
other people’s hands.
- Roy T. Bennett
- Roy T. Bennett
Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and
now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove
yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to
take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options,
and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.
- Eckhart Tolle
In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves.
The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our
own responsibility.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is
expressed in the choices one makes... and the choices we make are ultimately
our responsibility.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
- Charles R. Swindoll
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
- Wayne Dyer
_______
To end, I would invite each of you to take some time to journal about and consider what types of reactions in your life are not in line with the person you want to be.
What stimuli or triggers (I dislike the word trigger for so many reasons, but that is a discussion for another day!) bring about these reactions?
Then, reflect and journal about what types of responses you would like to invite into your life. You can even visualize yourself practicing these responses.
The ability to move from the reptilian brain to the frontal cortex is also something that you decide, practice and learn as you do.
ReplyDeletehave you read about growth mindset?
Love
D
I have! I think that I had a fixed mindset for a long time, but luckily I think I now have a growth one!
DeleteGreat post on responsibility. It would be great to have classes in high school and core curriculum in college that reflect on these matters (best taught by someone like the Ethicist) with active debates on such topics as they relate to individual and societal situations. The sad thing about the education system is that you can get even a PhD without having gained an iota of character.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about that, but I do think that education could focus more of the issues you pointed out.
Delete