February 11th, 2017

February 11th, 2017


Affirmation: Anger hurts me more than the person I feel rage towards. I will let go and move on. Life is too valuable to get stuck.


Word of the Day: asomatous (adj):

1. having no material body; incorporeal.

The Water You Want

Someone may be clairvoyant, able to see
the future, and yet have very little wisdom.

Like the man who saw water in his dream,
and began leading everyone toward the mirage,

I am the one with heart-vision.
I have torn open the veil.

So they set out with him inside the dream,
while he is actually sleeping
beside a river of pure water.

Any search moves away from the spot
where the object of the quest is.

Sleep deeply wherever you are on the way.
Maybe some traveler will wake you.

Give up subtle thinking, the twofold, threefold
multiplication of mistakes.

Listen to the sound of waves within you.

You are dreaming of your thirst,
when the water you want
is inside the big vein on your neck.

____


Co-Existing Feelings

I was going to title this post "co-occurring emotions," but I decided that I don't want to further pathologize something that I feel is already unduly and needlessly pathologized.

The idea of co-existing feelings is something we've likely all experienced. It is rare for someone to experience one unique and unadulterated emotion. For example, upon achieving something, people often feel both pride and happiness. Similarly, if someone catches their significant other cheating on them, they could feel a combination of betrayal, anger, and hurt. These co-existing feelings are expected, understood, and cause no sort of cognitive dissonance within us.

But what about situations in which feelings seem to contradict one another? When "positive" and "negative" emotions bubble up within us in concert? After the death of a loved one, for example, we might feel grief, but maybe we feel a sense of relief - perhaps from no longer needing to play a caregiver role? In transitions of all kinds, a sense of "bittersweetness" tends to arise. One can be both happy and excited about graduating from college while also feeling sadness about leaving friends and a sense of fear about the future.

Personally, I am currently experiencing two emotions simultaneously that I never thought could co-exist: hopefulness and hopelessness. On the one hand, I am hopeful about how things are changing for the better in my life and the steps that I am taking in personal transformation and healing. On the other hand, I do feel a sense of hopelessness about the life I want to lead and the person I want to be given both my history and the gap between that life and person and where I am now. It feel like resolution and determination towards my goals coupled with dread and fear that I am just kidding myself and setting myself up for disappointment.

I have noticed that it is these states of apparent contradiction that we never seem to discuss openly. These states - take the first example of feeling relief at the death of a loved one - can often cause more emotions to layer: for example, one might feel shame for feeling relief at someone's death. I certainly feel a lot of guilt for harboring the least bit of hopelessness given how rich and fortunate I am, how grateful I feel, and how much support I have in my life. These layers of guilt, shame, and other emotions then tend to give way to our telling ourselves that we "should" or "should not" feel a certain way and that we "ought to" feel otherwise. We might also label ourselves as "bad" mothers/ daughters/ fathers/ sons/ friends/ lovers/ etc.

But why the shame? Why secrecy in discussing these topics? Who (and when and on what basis?) decided that certain feeling states in response to certain contexts were OK while others were not?

I am sure that the idea of what is socially acceptable to discuss as far as this is involved has evolved over time, so today, I invite you to be a part of today's evolution. Take the risk and tell a trusted one when you are experiencing emotions in response to something that don't feel "acceptable" or "appropriate." Let us each do our part on destigmatizing something that truly is neutral - our experiences.

In fact, you can start now.

Comment below and let me know: what is one (or more!) situation in which you've felt something that didn't seem to be the "right" emotional response? How did you handle your emotions? Did "layering" emotions and/or "should's" and "ought to's" show up? Did something else show up?