January 18th, 2017

January 18th, 2017


Affirmation: “I treat myself as if I am someone who is deeply loved. All kinds of events come and go; yet through it all, my love for myself is constant. This is not being vain or conceited. People who are vain or conceited have a lot of self-hatred covered over by a layer of "I'm better than you." Self-love is simply appreciating the miracle of my own being. When I really love myself, I cannot hurt myself, and I cannot hurt another person. To me, the answer to world peace is unconditional love. It begins with self-acceptance and self-love. I no longer wait to be perfect in order to love myself. I accept myself exactly as I am, right here and now.”
 

Word of the Day: festschrift (n):

1. (often initial capital letter): a volume of articles, essays, etc. contributed by many authors in honor of a colleague, usually published on the occasion of retirement, an important anniversary, or the like.

The Old Woman and the Falcon

When you give a noble falcon
to a fussy old woman who knows nothing of falconry,
she will clip its wings short, for its own good.

Young man, where has your mother been
that your toenails have gotten this long?
Those talons are how the falcon hunts its food.

The old woman fixes him tutmaj, dumpling stew.
He won’t touch it. Too good to eat my tutmaj, huh?
She ladles some broth and holds it to his beak.
Her anger builds, and suddenly she pours
the ladle of hot soup over his head.

Tears come from those beautiful falcon eyes.
He remembers his former life, the king’s love whistle,
the great circling over the ocean,
the distances that condense so quickly to a point.

Falcon tears are food for a true human being,
perfume for Gabriel.

Your soul is the king’s falcon,
who says, This old woman's rage
does not touch my glory or my discipline.

____

Bungy jumping has never been on my bucket list or vision boards, but I decided to pay (a lot, and it was not refundable) to try it this morning after talking to other people who've done it. Spoiler alert: I didn't end up doing it. I walked up the bridge and even got to the edge before I had what I think might have been my first anxiety attack. I got really lightheaded and couldn't breathe. My legs started to buckle and my heart was racing so much that I couldn't feel it. I got really cold. But the worst part was the uncontrollable shaking. My brain felt like it completely shut off. The lady up there was pissed and yelled at me because I delayed them for about 20-25 minutes without actually jumping in the end. She repeated to me several times that I would regret it so much if I didn't do it.

I do feel bad about shelling out the money and wasting my last morning in Auckland without having "accomplished" the jump. But, interestingly, I don't regret it. I now know that bungy jumping isn't for me (sky diving, on the other hand, was). But more importantly, I feel glad that I listened to my body and my Self. I don't regret my decision because the way my body felt when I was up there wasn't good. It didn't feel right on a cellular level. With all the emphasis on "facing your fear" and "accomplishing" and "doing what scares you" and "pushing your limits" you might say that I am a coward and that I chickened out and failed and gave up. And maybe I did based on certain parameters. But I don't feel that way. I feel contemplative and perhaps even self-respecting because I've spent so much of my life doing things in order to prove myself in some way, completely alienated from my intuition and personal boundaries. I don't want this post to turn into a self-help book or overly cheesy, so I will leave it at that. 

I got back to my hotel close to noon, chatted with dad for a bit, and then took a long shower before checking out at 12:30 and heading out to lunch. I weeded through about a tenth of my mountain of emails that has accumulated since I've been on this trip (I'm really stressing about my double load of MBA courses this semester, which started 2 days ago... I'm already really behind and won't be able get started on work until this weekend...). I then headed back to my hotel for my 4 pm airport pickup.

My flight to LA left Auckland at 7:30 pm (arriving at LAX at 10:30 am). Before getting on board, I went to the Air New Zealand lounge and it was amazing. I took a few pictures of some of the food, but it is only about 20% of what was actually there (I just didn't want to look like too much of a freak snapping pics of everything!). The flight service itself was even better and exceeded my every expectation. Here's some of what I ate (and I included the menu below because I forgot to take pictures of everything! I guess it was just that good and I was just that in the moment):

Beverages: Charles Heidsieck champagne brut; Dimah rose vanilla and peppermint cinnamon herbal teas; ginger ale

Dinner: smoked snapper brandade with poached prawns, preserved citron salsa verde, and pine nuts (amazing; the brandade had the taste and texture of caviar and the salsa was very fresh); warm spiced cashews (nuanced and comforting); blackened salmon with citrus labneh, saffron mashed potatoes, edamame, and steamed spinach (exceptional; and the labneh was tart; the salmon was buttery and flaky; the vegetables were fresh and tender; the mash was just the right texture)

Dessert: gourmet gingernut ice cream with dark chocolate sauce and caramelized ginger wafer (SO good, with pieces of ginger cookie swirled in and the chocolate sauce had congealed into chocolate ribbons); selection of New Zealand blue, white cheddar, and camembert cheeses with plum and tamarillo chutney (again, the blue cheese was the winner; New Zealand cheese and ice cream are among the creamiest and most delicious I've tasted).

Breakfast: beetroot, pear and black currant juice (so fresh and SWEET and tasted like melted summer); fresh fruit salad with mango yogurt; Vogel's toast with marmite (I prefer Vegemite!); banana, maple, and linseed waffles with blueberry compote and vanilla bean yogurt served with vanilla flavored maple syrup. (I forgot to take pics of my waffles, but they weren't exceptional!)

I also ended up watching 3 movies on the plane: The Infiltrator (entertaining), Joy (pretty good), and Pete's Dragon (even for someone who loves Disney movies, it was a drag to get through with bad acting and far too predictable).

After getting to LA and clearing customs and transferring my bag, I had to go straight to my flight for Denver, which was delayed and didn't reach Denver until 5pm. I watched the movie Election (I liked it a lot) on the plane, and also had lunch: fruit salad, salad with goat cheese and pomegranate vinaigrette, a roll with butter, and more salmon! I ended with one of United's signature (warm!) triple chocolate chip cookies, which was yummy.

I'm now back in Denver, but I just had the trip of a lifetime!

I will keep trying to update this blog as much as I can. And I will keep trying to make it interesting.

I actually went to see a production of "Fun Home" today, but I am swamped with (and behind on) my MBA coursework, so I will save a more comprehensive update for later!