Leaning
Into Our Pain
"Something
hurts, lean in. You just lean into that point until it loses its power over
you. There's a certain amount of suffering that you have to be willing to
sustain if you want to have a good life. And the real trick is to be able to
sustain it with your heart open and still be loving." - Will Smith
I
have spent much of my life resisting and trying to outrun, outsmart, and
outperform my pain by trying to make thing in my life certain and definite.
Categorizing things as black or white, good or bad, and all or nothing made me
feel safer and more in control. However, my inability to lean into the
discomfort restricted my ability to experience love, fulfillment, belonging,
trust, joy, and creativity to the fullest. Resisting my pain helped me realize
that while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Trying to avoid
the inevitable pain, messiness, and unpredictability that comes with
life only serves to prevent learning. Indeed, suffering is the result of
trying to avoid life. Life cannot be avoided because you are life and no
matter how much you try to perform, perfect, please, or prove, you cannot
escape yourself.
Life patiently and continually presents us with
opportunities for learning. We often fall into the trap of believing
that we need to "pass the test" or "overcome the problem"
but life is not meant to be solved. Things come together and fall apart again
and again like waves in the ocean.
Healing, hope, and strength come
from allowing ourselves to be with the now. By allowing ourselves
to lean into what is. By allowing ourselves to be affected. By
growing our capacity to be human. By experiencing life in its full
expression.
In the words of Pema Chodron:
"Instead
of blaming our discomfort on outer circumstances or on our own weakness, we can
choose to stay present and awake to our experience, not rejecting it, not
grasping it, not buying the stories that we relentlessly tell ourselves. This
is priceless advice that addresses the true cause of suffering - yours, mine,
and that of all living beings."
• Bring to mind a
conversation or encounter that you know you will face in the next week that
challenges you. Pick something that gets you off balance just thinking about
it.
• Let yourself
all the thoughts and feelings that come up that are associated with this
conversation or encounter.
• In
the privacy of your own brain, work to develop new and creative responses
to the circumstance.
• In your
creative imagination, explore what it would look like for you to show up in
this conversation or encounter with just a bit more courage and
compassion.
• A couple of
times a day, practice leaning into your discomfort in the privacy of
your own mind. Do not resist your brain's natural impulses as they come up. By
leaning into your discomfort intentionally and mindfully, you stimulate
your brain in ways that develop greater flexibility and open avenues for
greater behavioral choice.
• Remember that
you transform your life, breath by breath. "By leaning into
your discomfort not by leaping over it."
Mantra: Today, I resist nothing. I lean into the experience of life.
PS Article roundup:
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PPS
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