April 2nd, 2017
Affirmation: I cannot control or change others, but I can change myself.
Word of the Day: ignoble (adj):
_____
Refurnishing
Sometimes we need to refurnish! Our current furniture is old, dirty, broken, or doesn't suit our current life for a variety of reasons. Let's say I wanted to refurnish my bedroom. If this is the case, I will need to make room for whatever new furnishings I want. That might mean that I need to reposition some the old furniture. Or it could mean that I need to get rid of it altogether. Regardless, a law of physics states that no two objects can occupy the same space at the same time (and a law of interior decorating states that a crammed room is a total no-no). Thus, I will need to address what is currently in my bedroom if I am serious about actually refurnishing it.
Clearly I bring this up to serve as a metaphor! It order to empower ourselves, let go of playing the victim, and take responsibility of our lives, we often have to take an inventory of our current "furnishings" - that is, our expectations, beliefs, and interpretations of the world around us. Some of these things have been "given" to us by others, but - much more importantly - we have chosen to automatically accept some of these things, not recognizing that we have choices. As far as your psyche is concerned, you don't have to assume that the place comes furnished!
You can decide at any time who you want to be and what you want to believe and buy into. The process of letting go of something (even when it is old, useless, or destructive) before knowing what will be put in its place leaves people feeling confused, off-kilter, and often terrified. This makes sense. Human beings are attached to the familiar, even if the familiar is impacting us negatively. We equate familiarity with safety as well as predictability, if not certainty. The familiar is a safe haven from the universal fear of the great unknown. Put another way, with your old furniture, you at least know where you stand - you possess a definite sense of self even if the consequence is self-esteem that leaves much to be desired.
I won't ask you whether you desire positive self-esteem, because who doesn't? I think the more helpful and productive inquiry is whether you are willing to do what it takes to have positive self-esteem?
Though the answer to this question seems obvious to me, I struggle a lot with this myself. In the words of Thom Rutledge:
"To be willing to do what it takes means being willing to identify old beliefs and expectations that have contributed to your negative feelings. That alone can be difficult and painful, but the next requirement is even harder. Once we identify them as the culprits they are, we must make the choice to stop believing these negative, erroneous things about ourselves. And that is a choice that takes a tremendous effort, and a persistent effort. It's not a choice we make one time; we make this choice over and over again, for as long as it takes to top the scale in our favor."
--> What aspects of your self-image do you feel attached to due to their familiarity (and thus feel safer than the great unknown)?
Affirmation: I cannot control or change others, but I can change myself.
Word of the Day: ignoble (adj):
1. of low or common
origin: plebian.
2. characterized by
baseness, lowness, or meanness.
Our Closeness
Friend, our closeness is
this.
Anywhere you put your foot
feel me in the firmness under you.
How is it with this love,
I see your world and not you?
Anywhere you put your foot
feel me in the firmness under you.
How is it with this love,
I see your world and not you?
_____
Refurnishing
Sometimes we need to refurnish! Our current furniture is old, dirty, broken, or doesn't suit our current life for a variety of reasons. Let's say I wanted to refurnish my bedroom. If this is the case, I will need to make room for whatever new furnishings I want. That might mean that I need to reposition some the old furniture. Or it could mean that I need to get rid of it altogether. Regardless, a law of physics states that no two objects can occupy the same space at the same time (and a law of interior decorating states that a crammed room is a total no-no). Thus, I will need to address what is currently in my bedroom if I am serious about actually refurnishing it.
Clearly I bring this up to serve as a metaphor! It order to empower ourselves, let go of playing the victim, and take responsibility of our lives, we often have to take an inventory of our current "furnishings" - that is, our expectations, beliefs, and interpretations of the world around us. Some of these things have been "given" to us by others, but - much more importantly - we have chosen to automatically accept some of these things, not recognizing that we have choices. As far as your psyche is concerned, you don't have to assume that the place comes furnished!
You can decide at any time who you want to be and what you want to believe and buy into. The process of letting go of something (even when it is old, useless, or destructive) before knowing what will be put in its place leaves people feeling confused, off-kilter, and often terrified. This makes sense. Human beings are attached to the familiar, even if the familiar is impacting us negatively. We equate familiarity with safety as well as predictability, if not certainty. The familiar is a safe haven from the universal fear of the great unknown. Put another way, with your old furniture, you at least know where you stand - you possess a definite sense of self even if the consequence is self-esteem that leaves much to be desired.
I won't ask you whether you desire positive self-esteem, because who doesn't? I think the more helpful and productive inquiry is whether you are willing to do what it takes to have positive self-esteem?
Though the answer to this question seems obvious to me, I struggle a lot with this myself. In the words of Thom Rutledge:
"To be willing to do what it takes means being willing to identify old beliefs and expectations that have contributed to your negative feelings. That alone can be difficult and painful, but the next requirement is even harder. Once we identify them as the culprits they are, we must make the choice to stop believing these negative, erroneous things about ourselves. And that is a choice that takes a tremendous effort, and a persistent effort. It's not a choice we make one time; we make this choice over and over again, for as long as it takes to top the scale in our favor."
--> What aspects of your self-image do you feel attached to due to their familiarity (and thus feel safer than the great unknown)?
I think of two sets of beliefs - one relating to identity (that is mostly acquired from our interactions with others and the outside world) and the other relating to how things 'should' be (belief systems and these are part of the baggage from our family of origin but as we get older, much more influenced by media and peers). Either one or both can have aspects that don't serve us or are sometimes harmful, toxic and even dangerous. When I keep hitting a wall in some area of my life, it is because I need to figure out which piece of furniture aka 'baggage' needs to be dumped stat.
ReplyDeleteSeparately, shouldn't the last line from Thom Rutledge be tIp the scale in our favor? (This comes from the proofreader part of my identity).
Yes - it is tip.
DeleteAnd I really likes the two groups of beliefs that you outlined - the nature beliefs and the nurture beliefs!